Phobophobia

I'm afraid of burnt cookies

I'm afraid of that one other teenager in the grocery store

I'm afraid of my hair strangling me at night

I'm afraid of not being able to outrun the serial killer that's chasing

I'm afraid of becoming that stupid girl in a horror movie that makes every possible mistake and every one wants her to die

I'm afraid of forgetting my pants and going to school

I'm afraid of the faces in between the trees

 mostly I fear my fear is going to rule me
ruin relationships
ruin me

Fear

2. Arthur C. Clarke - "Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying."
   

   

   
   

   

   
   

   
   

   The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown” 
   ― H.P. Lovecraft, Supernatural Horror in Literature

   
   

The Canal

Don't you EVER go near the canal

you can die in about 5 seconds no matter how strong a swimmer you think you are
people die every year.

I had nightmares almost every night about getting sucked into the canal behind my house so I would never go within 10 feet of it, and if I ever saw anyone get near it I would run and grab the nearest adult and cry until the person left the canal.
Even after I moved across the country I still feared it, until I found out that they had paved over it.

and just like that my nightmares stopped

well....at least the ones about the canal

I still feared heights 

and bears

and killer land sharks

and dinosaurs 

But I was the cool fearless 2nd grader and pink is a stupid color

hopscotch is for weenies 

and I can ride my scooter like a boss

3rd grade I was the best two hand touch football player

but I never learned how to play patty cake 

or braid hair

I don't wish I was a girly girl 

hell I'm still awesome

but you know maybe I should have taken a peak into the canal

Our Love Song Is Never On The Radio

We didn't fall in love the second we saw each other

We shared something special and I couldn't get you out of my head

I blamed it on puberty and tried to forget you, it worked for most of the summer
then school started again and I swear you went out of your way to run into me

You took me to the haunted circus and we made at least two kids pee their pants
I took you to see the lights at the temple and our group got lost because they wouldn't listen to me
even you said it was the wrong way
I was right.

When we shared our first kiss I was left breathless
The Christmas dance was truly magical
You asked me to officially be yours

We were unstoppable

until fear and doubt crept into my mind
I pushed you away and ran in the opposite direction
only to find that no matter where I would run
the path only brought me to you

Time passed and we fought each other
until
there were only
shreds
of us
left

I had given up on you.

I still loved you

I missed you
 Working together we slowly built back something more beautiful than
what we had before

We are as close as two people can be
You know all my secrets
I know all of yours

I'm not sure if it's love
but this is what I pray love feels like
being so comfortable with a person you dream about
sitting on a hammock just.... sitting

So here's to us....Being the best friend we could possibly be
Here's to our love song that's too powerful to be put on any radio sation
here's to the one a.m talks about the future
Here's to you putting up with me
here's to me for trusting you fully again

Just a quote

I know how you look into the mirror and hate who you see, and to you I say: It gets better.

smeagol and thunderstorms

When my brothers played fellowship of the ring they never let me play. 

so I became smeagol and followed them around trying to steal my plastic ring back from them

thunderstorms scared me so I would crawl under my bed with my 200 stuffed animals and cry

in fact most loud noises scared me, the garbage man, fireworks, and my parents fighting

the world was my canvas and each day I would create a new reality 

I became a pirate, a mermaid, an outlaw, and the sheriff (sometimes all in one day)

I went to sleep early and woke up as the sun was rising just to fight along side of the power rangers

There was no such thing as heartbreak (unless we ran out of ice cream) 

the worst pain I could feel was falling off my bike or roller blades 

If  I made a mistake I could grab a new piece of paper

Homework took 10 min then I could go join the game of baseball in my cul-d-sac until the street lamps came on and it was dinner time

Rain would mean indoor recess and board games

snow was snowmen and sledding

wind and kites

Santa couldn't come fast enough 

nap time sucked

all I wanted was to grow up

I did..would I be proud of who I am now?

Thoughts During Math

I've always hated math. Ever since they took away the shapes and fun word problems and decided to put in the alphabet (thanks Satan) maybe it wouldn't be as bad if the teacher didn't make us show all of our work. I know how I did it and I got the right answer so back off. Secondly don't get mad at me for doodling on the paper, if I want to draw Godzilla destroying a city in the margins of my math homework who cares, this class is boring and you've been going off about combining terms for the last forty five minutes and all I want to do right now is eat the pop tart in my backpack but I can' because food is a distraction. I WOKE UP AT 7 A.M BECAUSE I WAS UP UNTIL 3 TRYING TO FINISH THE HOMEWORK YOU AND EVERY OTHER TEACHER GAVE ME, RUSHING OUT THE DOOR GRABBING A POP TART ON THE WAY OUT AND BARELY MADE IT TO  CLASS ON TIME...NO I CANNOT WAIT FOR LUNCH JUST LET ME EAT IT. Seriously my hand was not up do not call on me. If I knew the answer my hand would be up but is it? No. Humiliating me in front of the whole class won't "teach me a lesson" it will make me want to murder you. When my hand is up then its safe to say I want to participate, why do you go out of your way to make the whole class uncomfortable, are you not here to help us. Good thing math is first thing in the morning right? The only thing that makes it bearable is the sarcasm of the whole class working together as one to slightly lighten the mood. There is no social ladder in math class we are all pheasants against the cruel dictator, we all have one purpose, to pass the class so that we can graduate, our conversations never are about the topic we should be discussing, I'm pretty sure I heard some people discussing their zombie apocalypse plans, amateurs, you don't hide in a major city, you hide away from civilization with your rations and your carefully selected team, and weapons lots of weapons, you'll need knives and a shotgun at least. You need to be fit so you can outrun zombies, and you'll need a box of Twinkies. I guess math is like an underground creative outlet, you're supposed to be working on variables but instead you're writing a 200 page novel about a futuristic society where robots have taken over and human contact is illegal and you have to meet your lover in an alley at midnight just to give them a hug or hold their hand, and forget about kissing.
If I ever became a famous author or comic book artist I would probably owe all my math teachers for boring me so badly.  This class still has almost an hour left, and cue the dying whale noises from my stomach. That pop tart would taste so good right now I'm going to sneak it...screw everything. Don't judge I live on the edge. Cough. Cough. Mission accomplished. At least the whale noises stopped, tome for the old slip headphone up the hoodie sleeve. Do not sing along. I hate this song, I wonder what would happen if I met Justin Beiber. I hope I could annoy him as much as he annoys me, I should tie him up and force him to listen to his own music (maniacal laughter) I should be an actor in the next high school musical and every time they all break out in song just run around screaming acting like I had no idea what was going on, I'd watch that. Ew are they still a couple, I'm so lonely, I don't need anyone I'm too cool for ever one here. How fast could I eat a big mac my last record was 54 seconds I need to beat that. Skip this song when did I even put that on my ipod? Why do we have three pages of homework? How much would it cost to fake my death....I need more money so I can buy that shirt. I need more friends I should be ruler of this schoo-Thank god its the bell.